Recommendations & Academics

Choosing the Right Recommenders

6 minCourse moduleModule 7.1

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Overview

7.1: Choosing the Right Recommenders

Depth Over Title

Recommendations are the only part of the application you cannot edit. Once you click "request," the content is out of your hands. This lack of control makes the selection process the single most important decision you make in this phase.

Many families operate under two dangerous myths:

  1. Myth: "I should ask the teacher who gave me the easiest A."

  2. Myth: "I should ask a famous person/alumnus to write a supplemental letter."

Both are wrong. Here is the strategic framework for selecting recommenders who will actually move the needle.

1. The Core Teachers (Math & English)

Most elite schools require recommendations from your current (or previous year's) Math and English teachers. You often don't have much choice here, but if you do (e.g., you have multiple humanities teachers), use the "Struggle Test."

The "A+" Trap: A teacher who says, "Johnny is a delight. He got an A+ on every test and never caused trouble," has written a neutral letter. It confirms the transcript, but adds no new value.

The "Growth" Advantage: The best letters come from teachers who saw your child struggle.

  • Ideal Narrative: "Sarah struggled with quadratic equations in October. She came to office hours twice a week, reorganized her notes, and by March, she was leading study groups for her peers. She ended with a B+, but she is the hardest worker I have."

  • Why this wins: Boarding schools and competitive day schools are hard. They want students who have grit, not just raw talent.

2. The Supplemental Letter: The "Big Name" Fallacy

You will often have the option to submit a "Special Interest" or "Personal" recommendation.

The Trap: Parents often ask a Senator, a CEO, or a Board Member they met at a cocktail party to write a letter.

  • The Result: "I have known the Smith family for years. Jimmy is a fine young man."

  • The Admissions Reaction: This is a "vanity letter." It tells them nothing about the student and suggests the family thinks they can buy their way in. It can actually hurt your application.

The Strategy: Only ask for a supplemental letter if that person has direct oversight of the student's passion.

  • Good: The club soccer coach who has trained the student for 4 years.

  • Good: The piano teacher who watched them prepare for a concerto.

  • Good: The supervisor at the soup kitchen where the student volunteers weekly.

Rule of Thumb: If the recommender cannot describe a specific moment where the student failed and recovered, they do not know the student well enough to write a letter.

3. The "Brag Sheet" (How to Manage the Process)

Teachers are overworked and underpaid. They may be writing 50 letters in November. If you leave them to their own devices, you will get a generic template.

You must make it easy for them to write a great letter.

The Solution: Provide a "Brag Sheet" or Cover Letter to the teacher when you make the request.

  • Format: A simple one-page bulleted list.

  • Content:

    • "Thank you for agreeing to write this."

    • "I really enjoyed your class, specifically the unit on [Topic]."

    • "I was hoping you might be able to mention [Specific Project/Moment]."

    • "As you know, I am really passionate about [Theme of Application], so any mention of my leadership in class would be helpful."

Why this works: You are giving them the specific anecdotes they need. When they sit down at 11:00 PM to write the letter, they will likely copy and paste your anecdotes directly into their narrative.

4. The "Waive" Checkbox

On the application portal (SAO or Gateway), you will see a question: "Do you waive your right to view this recommendation?"

The Answer: YES.

  • Always waive your right.

  • Why: If you do not waive your right, the school assumes the teacher felt pressured to write nice things because they knew you would read it. The letter loses all credibility. A confidential letter is the only letter that counts.

Summary

  1. Ask Early: Request letters by October 15th. asking in December is disrespectful and results in rushed, poor letters.

  2. Ask in Person: The student (not the parent) should ask the teacher face-to-face first, then follow up with the digital request.

  3. The "Thank You": Hand-written thank you notes are mandatory. A small gift (gift card) after the letters are submitted is appropriate etiquette.