Writing Essays That Sound Like You (Not Your Parents)

6.3: Writing Essays That Sound Like You (Not Your Parents)

The "Frankenstein" Essay

Admissions officers can spot a "parent-written" essay from the first sentence. It usually has perfect grammar, sophisticated syntax, and absolutely no soul. We call this the "Frankenstein Essay"---it's been stitched together by so many adults that it no longer resembles the student.

The goal of the essay is voice, not perfection. A slightly messy essay that bursts with personality is infinitely better than a flawless essay that reads like a press release.

Here is how to protect your voice during the writing process.

1. The Vocabulary Trap: "Utilization" vs. "Use"

There is a myth that big words make you look smart. In reality, using a thesaurus usually makes you look insecure.

The Rule: If you wouldn't say the word in a cafeteria conversation with your friends, do not write it in your essay.

• Parent Voice: "I possess a myriad of interests, including the acquisition of knowledge regarding robotics." ( stiff, robotic, clearly edited).

• Student Voice: "I love building things. Last year, I spent three weekends trying to make a robot that could fetch a soda." (Clear, active, authentic).

Red Flag Words: If these words appear in a 13-year-old's essay, an admissions officer assumes an adult wrote it:

• Plethora

• Myriad

• Furthermore

• Utilize

• Inasmuch

Strategy: Use strong verbs (sprinted, devoured, dismantled) rather than big adjectives (enthusiastic, laborious, educational).

2. The "Sanitization" Problem

Parents instinctively want to protect their children. When editing essays, they often edit out the "failures" or the "quirks" because they seem risky.

• The Draft: "I was so scared before the debate that I threw up in the bathroom trash can."

• The Parent Edit: "Although I was nervous before the debate, I gathered my composure."

Why this is bad: The parent edit removed the humanity. "Gathered my composure" is generic; "threw up in the trash can" is visceral and real. It shows vulnerability.

Advice to Parents: Stop sanitizing. The gritty details are what make the essay memorable. Let your child admit they were scared, or that they failed, or that they were confused. It shows maturity.

3. The "Read Aloud" Test

This is the ultimate detector of fake voice.

The Exercise:

1. Print the essay.

2. Stand up in the middle of the room.

3. Read the essay out loud, at a normal conversational volume.

What to watch for:

• Stumbling: If you stumble over a sentence, it is too clunky. Rewrite it.

• Breathing: If you run out of breath before the end of a sentence, it is too long. Cut it in half.

• The "Cringe" Factor: If you feel embarrassed reading a sentence because it sounds "fake" or "cheesy," delete it immediately. Your gut knows when you are faking it.

4. Openings and Closings

The beginning and end are where students often freeze up and revert to "formal" writing.

The "In Conclusion" Trap: Never start your final paragraph with "In conclusion," "In summary," or "Finally."

• Why? It signals that the interesting part is over.

• Fix: Just say what you need to say. End on an image or a feeling, not a summary.

The "Webster's Dictionary" Trap: Never start an essay with a definition. "Webster's defines leadership as..."

• Why? It is the most overused cliché in the history of student essays.

• Fix: Start in media res (in the middle of the action). "The mud was already seeping into my socks..."

Summary: Authenticity Wins

Admissions officers are reading 2,000 essays. 1,800 of them will sound polite, polished, and identical.

The 200 that stand out are the ones that sound like a real human being is talking to them. They want to know the kid who is going to live in their dorms, not the polished persona the parents want to project.

Be brave enough to sound like yourself.